Tw ending self references rant
I actually despise myself like actually
I've seen so much people that are my age or younger achieving great things like they make good art and dubstep and I'm sitting here barely improving within like 4 years of making dubstep and 1 year of art and there's a 13 year old guy named extra he's already releasing on dubstep labels and making good and well mixed and mastered music and I'm basically barely eqing my songs and only knowing to stereo widen some stuff
My cousin Gus makes really good person art but I only barely know how to draw people
There was artworks by a 7 year old on an art fair I was going to and it was really good landscapes and he apparently made them when he was 5???!!!! Like I'm probably a lost cause at 15 I should already be good for something
I feel like my purpose is not clear
Do I have a purpose when I can't even draw a mountain well?
Fulfilling my purpose is one of the 3 only things preventing me from ending myself
The 2nd is the fact that my sister will be sad if I perish
The 3rd is that I'm scared of death cus I'm a wimpy loser
Speaking of my sister my sister and Gus and all his friends are better than me at writing
I suck at writing
I'm the most linear writer ever I don't have the magic
I hate myself
Should I just give up
phenorax
N***a, here i am 27 and jealous of fucks capable of stringing together basic chords to make melodies and make pictures look somewhat coherent, let alone wishing to be as young as them and still have the opportunities that come with it. Welcome to the human condition of always wishing things you don't have.
Just choose what you like doing and stick with it, you will improve on it step-by-step before too long. Just don't waste your time, time flies fast like water does in the desert, so don't stick by distractions for too long to regret it an' you will be golden.
Things could always be worse and you are a kid still... you got the time to improve upon on your skills if you just keep at it.
Despair is your greatest enemy so don't succumb to it.