Tw ending self references rant

I actually despise myself like actually

I've seen so much people that are my age or younger achieving great things like they make good art and dubstep and I'm sitting here barely improving within like 4 years of making dubstep and 1 year of art and there's a 13 year old guy named extra he's already releasing on dubstep labels and making good and well mixed and mastered music and I'm basically barely eqing my songs and only knowing to stereo widen some stuff

My cousin Gus makes really good person art but I only barely know how to draw people

There was artworks by a 7 year old on an art fair I was going to and it was really good landscapes and he apparently made them when he was 5???!!!! Like I'm probably a lost cause at 15 I should already be good for something

I feel like my purpose is not clear

Do I have a purpose when I can't even draw a mountain well?

Fulfilling my purpose is one of the 3 only things preventing me from ending myself

The 2nd is the fact that my sister will be sad if I perish

The 3rd is that I'm scared of death cus I'm a wimpy loser

Speaking of my sister my sister and Gus and all his friends are better than me at writing

I suck at writing

I'm the most linear writer ever I don't have the magic

I hate myself

Should I just give up

Ok so yesterday It was my birthday and I had a birthday party and ate pizza and cake and I went to a buffet yesterday night and I had yummy food but I'm banned from my computer so I couldn't tell you guysyesterdat

im scouted on audio!!!!!!!!!! i will be at audio portal!!!!! yeah!!!

here's my site where i post these btw

https://wes-via-imstillchoosingmyname.neocities.org/

https://neocities.org/site/wes-via-imstillchoosingmyname

i look swag

holy shit last night i thought i was locked out of newgrounds thank god

yeah i made some dubstep songs

https://soundcloud.com/wes-859355513/archipelago-3-full?si=0ebab9389f784421a69d1032f4c218e6&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

https://soundcloud.com/wes-859355513/absolute-sine-dub-clip-1?si=8ae0095e1fb148c2ae0e471229944aeb&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

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i dont like i had breakdown ttuesday last week and thatt mean next week i will have another breakdown i hatte this dawg BUT at least i dont wanna kill myself and im not having tantrums and showin too much emotion yeah but im not gonna be able to talk tto my therapists or psychiatrists until next year even though my brain is in a shit state oh weelll but at least my brain is not in as shit of a state as last yrear gonna post this shit shit on my web sit e dawg gotta just gottsa uhhh

also my fucking mom keeps on accusing me of faking shit like when i stim she says you jus t have adhd stop drama of pretend you are autistivc

i woke up early today and nmy body hurts kinda i feel kinda sick and my head is ouchy and all over the place even though i took my fucking concerta and risperidone

i been making my new site and its finally looking good, at least to my standard for myself, which may or may not be low, who knows? I have been spending an ungodly amount of the computer time my mom lets me doing this, i am going to draw a cat and put a picture there because :33333333333

also dont ask why i put everything in buttons, ok?

oh btw the website is: https://wes-via-imstillchoosingmyname.neocities.org/

and other link is https://neocities.org/site/wes-via-imstillchoosingmyname

i took like 2 whole Hours trying to make it not look horrible and yes those are buttons cus i dont know how to css cus im a big dummy and havent learnt that yet in school but i'll learn it...... eventually....... butttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt i figured out how to use tables soooooooo yeag i made it into one line instead of looking completely disorganized like my cabinet

also i added a few poems to it before i typed stuff about myself

maybe some1 can tell me if it looks ok or is a travesty of web design or "why the heck are you putting everything in buttons are you mentally alright?"

my site is https://wes-via-imstillchoosingmyname.neocities.org/